The short version
Try asking: would it be easier to talk, write, or come back to this later?
An optional starting point, not a rule for everyone.
Say the thing you mean
The book encourages simple, direct language rather than expecting someone to infer a request from a hint. A practical example is replacing "It is getting late" with "I would like to leave at eight." This is an invitation to make meaning easier to share, not a claim that every autistic person misunderstands humour or indirect language.
Ask about the format
Some people prefer a written message, others a conversation, and some use different communication methods in different settings. NHS guidance includes choosing how to communicate with colleagues as an example of support at work. Ask what works before deciding that speaking aloud is always the best or only way to take part.
Leave time for an answer
A pause is not automatically disinterest. You can give one piece of information at a time and allow space before repeating or rephrasing it. During overload, keeping speech and information low may help. If the person asks for time, agree on a way to return to the conversation rather than demanding an immediate response.
Check meaning without testing the person
If you are unsure, say what you understood and invite a correction: "I understood that you want the plan in writing. Is that right?" Avoid turning the exchange into a test of eye contact, tone or social performance. The aim is shared understanding. You can care about the relationship and still communicate in different ways.
Where this guide comes from
Book connection: Chapter 6 of The AuDHD Superpower. Website adaptation with optional examples written for this site.
Additional guidance checked on 12 November 2026:
Educational information, not diagnosis, treatment or legal advice. UK sources describe their own local service context. Read the care note.